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Status: NPC, Resident of Triskellian
No-one really knows exactly where Boris originally came from. His heavy accent hints of an eastern heritage,
but whenever people ask him about it, he cheerfully changes the subject, often accompanied by an invitation
to have another drink of what's currently containing most alcohol, supplied by his friend
Barkie at The Fallen Fox.
Boris is nowadays a full-fledged
citizen of Triskellian and would rather eat leeches than consider moving out again.
As profession, Boris practises medicine. The word is well chosen, as he always performs every operation
in a new and (as he considers) brilliant fashion. Boris is a very ingenious dog, always
developing new theories of how people work, and how to repair and improve broken ones. He's invented
sterile operations, since he's always spilling some of the extremely strong drink he's quaffing before
every operation. His internal metal bone splinters are also a very novel concepts. Unfortunately, no
patients have survived the treatment so far, regardless of how much alcohol Boris spilled, but he knows
that the theory is sound.
Leeches are another of Boris's specialties. Any minor problem, be it phlegmatically related or in the sanguine
department, he first treats with leeches. They're perfect for getting rid of surplus haemmorhaging during
particularly nasty operations, so he uses them in vast quantities. The little critters also function as purifiers
of all kinds of liquids, he believes, so if you're thirsty, don't try his water barrel unless you are hungry
as well.
Naturally, pretty much all other healers and workers in the medical arts in Triskellian shun Boris because
of his revolutionary ideas. This is quite unfair, since Boris has actually saved several patients.
He's not part of any guild and sustains himself purely on the fees he collects from the people who
survive his ministrations.
In order to ensure his prolonged survival, Boris always has one or two schemes running to keep the patients
coming. His default strategy is to employ people from the shadier parts of Triskellian, preferrably people
not known by the constabulary. Recently, he's had a hit'n'deliver team consisting of
Dugan and
Kheeran,
but since they hastily had to leave Triskellian again, business has been anything but brisk. Nevertheless,
Boris has figured out various bonus systems (Get hit twice, pay for only one visit, and the likes).
Though they never work like Boris intended, he still keeps getting a steady trickle of shady customers
from the more obscure parts of the town, patients who don't want to be bothered with uncomfortable questions
like "doesn't that crossbow bolt sticking out of you resemble the ones the city guard are currently using?".
Boris carries on, aiding the people of Triskellian with the ultimate in cutting-edge medical treatments,
and generously provides suckers for the rest of the suckers. What the future may provide, noone knows, but
it wouldn't be surprising if he's the brain behind the upcoming leech-o-matic; of course the very incarnation
medical perfection.
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