Didactylos

Where am I? What happened? No, wait... I'm dead! Oh, when I get hold of that fox again, I will strap him to a table and slowly mash his guts to pudding! I swear by the dead (that's me) that I will avenge my murder. He thought he could just show up and kill me like that? I Vow, He Will Know The True Meaning Of Suffering!

Well, I thank you for coming upon such short notice to resurrect me. We go a long way back, ever since you let me use your old castle for our mutual purposes; you searching the secret of life, and I brought the secret of death and what's beyond. *Chuckle* Well, now, I know for sure. We needed more subjects for our respective goals, didn't we? Well, we got them alright, we really did... from that silly little hidden horsey village where I had set myself up as elderman... though in the end we never got that crazy alchemist. He escaped.

Do you remember my exultation upon securing a contact with the Army of Purity? I used the poor senile wolverine beaker-boomer's superstitions, and wove a nice little tale about the Army being connected to his beloved life-stuff, that "purity" that he was looking for. Oh, puh-leeze! But he had credibility with the pferdies; something I could use. Yeah, they were happy alright to get military backup for their not-so-secret society. Hah! Everything would have worked according to plans except...

Why did that blasted monkey and that naked fleabag of a fox have to barge in and ruin everything? They just suddenly appeared, together with a dogdamned army of horses, and the wrong army at that! Then they built some golem monstrosity with the alchemist's stuff, a giant clay thing that killed everyone in sight. Yeah, we got our corpses, alright, but then they blew up the entire valley, and pursued me to your castle, destroyed half of that, almost killed you, and then ran away. Well, I got a tuft of that foxy's fur, didn't I? Cursed him good and hard, I did. Used him as a synechdote spy too, to get the information that the Army of Purity wanted about some nobles of those Eleven Claws or something.

And what happens? I'm waiting for the emissary of the Army to show up so that I can report all the secrets that they'd pay dearly for, and idling my time putting little dark thoughts in the mind of that fox, and he just knocks open the door to my chamber and kills me... he was at my throat just like that. And the last thing I see is that those silly Claws enter the room and do a bloody Rock Musical about it. My Death! And they think the fox went too far. What the heck should I think?

And now I learn that the emissary showed up at the castle afterwards, saw that I was dead, and then gave up on me!. Now, suddenly, the Army of Purity don't think I'm there, working for them anymore. Well, suits me fine. Fat chance that they'll get their precious secrets! Hah! I will sell them elsewhere. But first I'm gonna get that fox...